Tastes of Time Past

I put Ava to bed the other night and was listening to her babble to herself. I stood just outside her room as the light from the living room reached gently down the dark hallway. I was instantly snapped back to my own childhood. I pictured myself laying in my bed with my melon sheets wrapped all around me and my stuffed Snoopy as I lay in my single bed staring through the crack of light that slipped in through the door. Looking to the light, wondering what my father was doing in the living room and where my mom had tip toed of to. I felt myself tremble slightly. I must have been about 4 years old in this vision. It was vivid, but only a fragment. An overwhelming feeling fell over my adult self as i stood on the other side of the wall were my 2 year old daughter lay nestled in her crib. I couldn't help but wonder if other people experience memories like this, so crisp and clear that it almost feels like you are back in that very moment. I wondered if it is because I am raising my child in the house I was raised in. Even though many things have changed in this house I catch my self periodically slipping back into snapshots of my child hood. What ever it is, I am grateful for it. It brings with it a renewed understanding of what it was like to be a child. A feeling many of us so tragically lose. I hope that the newness of Ava, this house and being a green parent aren't the reasons I have these finite insights. I find comfort in these little glimpses. They help me as I trudge through this thing called parenting. I hope they come... and stay with the territory.

Animal Kingdom

There is much to be learned by studying the behavior of the animal kingdom. Let's say you do something "bad" or regrettable or unacceptable or the like. After being scolded or "corrected" do we run into our cages, stay there, and gnaw on our leg for the rest of our lives? No! Every day is the gift of a new start and we need to bound out of the gate with fresh enthusiasm and the KNOWLEDGE of complete certainty that we are just fine and re-accepted into the tribe, even if yes, we did chew up someone's homework just because it was there on the floor. The point is there is just no point in self-loathing. It's not forward moving energy.




Today, catch up with things that you've put off for a while. Don't beat yourself up for things left undone or things done, long gone, and in the past. Re-examine your modus operendi, find new ways of doing things, and most importantly, figure out how to heal that leg you've been gnawing on for so long. It's a very good day for healing. Enjoy it.
                                                                        - Dyan

Amazing

It is amazing that I can take four different patterns of fabric, cut them into squares and strips and create something entirely different. Even more amazing - me, who has sewed fewer times than all the fingers on my hands, did this. I love the times when we surprise ourselves.

A Quiet Morning

I have never been much of a morning person. I would give anything for an extra 30 minutes of sleep in the morning. I still struggle cognitively to function until at least an hour after I wake. Now that I am a mom early mornings come without fail every day. I have my own little alarm clock. More reliable than the one on my nightstand, this beautiful munchkin has the whole house awake at 7:00am on the dot. Today was a little different though. I did wake up when my little one did, but Kelly (DH) took her for the morning. I was able to read one of the many unfinished books that have been begging for my attention. I settled down into my cozy bed and shortly it occurred to me that I wasn't absorbing what was in my book. My attention was constantly being pulled to the things happening around me. It was deliciously quiet. My blankets where wrapped around me and the light of the morning snuck through the cracks in the blinds. I was taken by the cool air that gently fell upon my skin. I felt as happy as the birds singing outside. I would venture to guess that most mornings are like this. I am just too wrapped up in the everyday routines to notice. I am a little sad when I realize this but I know the world outside is waiting for me like a loyal pup. I just have to be willing to slow down, take a breath, and soak it in.

The Nights Soft Glow

The weary sun bends it’s last rays of light over the horizon while indigo night wraps itself around the earth. Crickets in the distance caress the silent air with whimsical song, a message of peace. The moon holds hope and wonder for the dreamer’s journey. The sky has captured the stars like a child on a summer night chasing fireflies now asleep with a glowing mason jar upon the night stand.

Sheet Lightning

We are driving across the plains of northern Colorado or Nebraska, I'm not entirely sure where we are. It's dark and the road signs are hard to see. The car sails through the darkness with a sense of fury. The sky opens up, spilling rain as if it were the earth's last. We can barely see the road, much less anything else. I begin to wonder if we should have rented an arch for this trip. Out of the corner of my eye I see the sudden light shed from a sheet of lightening. Something maddeningly majestic. For a flicker of an instant you can see for miles. Ominous gold fields that seem to stretch to the farthest edge of the world. The blueish purple stroke of energy surges raising an intense vibration that seems to be coming from deep within my soul. There is something so peaceful about something so wild and untamed. A tinge of fear, accompanied with excitement. I await each new flash with anticipation to catch a glimmer of what lies in this thick darkness. Each new bolt, drenched in rain and wonder!

Living the results of your gosls today even if you haven't met them yet!

There is a person who gave me some simple, but exceptional advice the other night. I wanted to share it with all of you. It is the kind of advice that you can use in all aspects of life. My favorite kind!


She told me that I am a great goal setter, but there are so many things I want to do i.e.; get healthy, write a book, make jewelry, etc. She said that she gets so excited hearing about all of these ideas I have but sad when time passes and the goals get pushed out. “It’s the follow through T., that you lack. I love you but you set these great goals and plan it out so well then ….Nothing” she told me.

She’s right! But then she asked, “ What if instead of setting goals and creating elaborate plans in how you will reach them, you just ask yourself one question instead?

What if you asked you self, what it would look like today, if you had reached that goal. Visualize yourself living your goal instead. What would you be doing? How would you act? Who would you be? Then when you live each day, live the success of your goal.” Powerful stuff !!!

I tried it  last night. I always bag on myself for not being good enough. I even come up with some decent excuses as to why I could never be as good as “them”. So  last night at my soccer game, a teammate even brought up to me how I sell myself short all the time and don’t appreciate what I am able to do. I just brushed it off because I have resolved that is just my nature. However, a little voice inside my head said, “How would you perform in this game if you were a great soccer player?” I started working 10 times harder. Here is my disclaimer … I have never played soccer before joining this league 5 years ago. We play once a week on an indoor field and there are no practices. All the “skill” I have is what I have learned on my own. I don’t have a ton to work with.

BUT, I tried to play my game last night as if I was a great player and I scored 2 really great goals. The only 2 my team scored. I have only ever scored 3-5 times before and never more than 1 in a game. It felt amazing!

I can’t wait to start living my goals today instead of tomorrow. The outcome is unbelievable!

Maybe this will resonate with some of you the way it did for me. Night All!